You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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