I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
