Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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