i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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