Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize