can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So much rum. So many feels.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
