My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
