I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
