can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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