I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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