I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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