I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
