May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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