So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
