i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
