took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have post one night stand depression
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