Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
