is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
