we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
