I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sex in a hospital.. check
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
