Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When did angry sex become our thing?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize