Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
