remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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