Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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