my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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