she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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