So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
