Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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