I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
