Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
