She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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