everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize