you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
