He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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