after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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