he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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