i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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