Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
