Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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