i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
