So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
