Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
