Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
soo... how was my night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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