can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
