If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
