I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
