Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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