another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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