I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
