Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
