Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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