the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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