Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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