i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
