just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
