I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
