How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize