I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize