tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
