She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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