I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
