if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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