Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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