I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize